Monday 1 July 2013

Prima Nocta

My inaugural first blog. Finally an attempt to enter the 21st Century. Hopefully I'll keep this relatively clean & refrain from using words like "cuntnugget", but I make no promises.

Having just woken up to a hoard of children screaming like a pack of howler monkeys on bath salts (I'm serious, this one kid made noises only victims tortured with bamboo under the fingernails have uttered) I wonder about the small cadre of parents that cast a general apathy towards rearing their children. This week at work, a mother desperately tried to control her son, preventing him from taking every knee-high object off the walls & strewing them onto the floor, demanding she purchase an assortment of items. Overwhelmed, she slowly succumbed to a few purchases in order to appease the little fuck. In the meantime, her crew-cut douchoid husband impatiently waited outside with the dog to smoke & occasionally lean in the doorway to contribute, "Are you done yet?" "Hurry up!" etc. Needless to say, the mother wasn't succeeding very well in bringing this 2 person job of "Shutting Your Spastic Kid Up & Getting The Fuck Out" to a graceful finale.

The overall irritation and pre-supposed notion that this task was his wife's job was what really irked me about needledick McGee. Guess what buddy? The load of cum you blasted into your wife didn't happen by accident: you did that. You are now just as responsible as she is for raising that fucking kid. Some people would argue that it's difficult to raise a child and exhausting work. Well the 9 months leading to that kid's birth isn't something you slept through & forgot about. There's no way this whole parenting thing is a surprise. You know what else is difficult? Operating a hadron collider or backing an 18-wheeler into a loading dock, but people still pull their shit together & do it all the time. Popping out a unit & raising it to be a well-adjusted person is also a universal occurrence so you don't get to back out because you find it too difficult.

These seemingly mild oversights don't have really major consequences for your kid, but certainly will for the adult they're going to grow up to be. We've all had to deal with that irrational person who can't comprehend why you, this speaking obstacle in their day wearing pants, aren't facilitating their all-important needs. We've all dated the self-absorbed person who amalgamates all their insecurities into a big package of instability, drops it into your lap & forces you to sign for it. Not giving their kids the proper tools to have any sort of internal reasoning or self-restraint and facilitating all their selfish want will result in their abject displeasure with life when they reach adulthood & nothing seems to "go their way". Your kid's gonna break my kid's heart. You are breeding assholes.

The idea that every child is going to be perfect is a work of fiction. Some kids have a genuine reason to be difficult to control. Some kids are just helpless and, just like adults, some kids are just straight-up assholes. However, the one thing they all have in common is a lack of social awareness. This is a job that should be implemented by their parents (or immediate caretakers: Aunt May did all she could for that Peter Parker but every now & then someone calls for a webslinger). Its kind of a big one on the list of shit you should pass on to your kid. Not only would involvement save you from silently becoming more frustrated with your parental lot in life, it shows your kids that their parents give a shit. Maybe not immediately, but that knowledge subconsciously could manifest itself into empathy. Those few seconds you chose to accept parental responsibility might save future generations from dealing with another redundant asshole.

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